Real Talk

I don't typically like to talk about my struggles. Mainly, because I don't want them to sound like excuses. I'll mention the big things. Or I'll tell you same vague stuff about how I've been "struggling." 

Here's the deal, though. I'm a hot mess. The last few years, I've been a full on dumpster fire. And it wasn't until just a couple of months ago that I finally started figuring it out. 

When I post updates about when a book is coming out, I fully intend to keep that promise. But remember, I'm a mess. Physically, I have spinal arthritis and two bulging discs in my lumbar that flare up and cause a lot of pain. I've had two surgeries on my left knee, and I just turned 40 this year. 

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Mental health wise, I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Medication and therapy has helped, but it's always there. I also have ADHD. Apparently, the two go together like peanut butter and jelly. Fun times. Basically, that means I worry about everything, get distracted easily, and hyper focus on all the wrong things. 

I've never really suffered with depression until about 4 years ago, though.

That's when I started taking prescription medication for my allergies. (Oh yeah, I'm basically allergic to everything, too.) This was around the same time that I had some pretty traumatic things happening in my life, and so when I started feeling down, I contributed it to that. As time passed, however, it progressively got worse. I was eventually prescribed another antidepressant along with my SSRI for anxiety. 

I don't take ADHD medication, but the antidepressant made my ADHD symptoms so much worse. Still, I wasn't getting better. It wasn't until a few months ago that I came across a black label warning from the FDA for the allergy medication I was taking. Namely:

Mood changes.
New or worsening depression.
Suicidal thoughts.

I immediately stopped taking it, and within a couple of weeks, I felt so much more like myself. A month later, I stopped taking my antidepressant. ADHD is still a struggle, but I'm able to focus a little better. (I still struggle with motivation and distractions.)

Without the allergy medication, though, which also helps treat asthma, I was really suffering. At that point, I started taking an inhaled steroid for asthma, which I hated, and it made me really sick. So, I ditched that and just use a rescue inhaler when I need it, which isn't often. 

I started taking immunotherapy injections for my allergies. Which also made me really sick and exhausted for a long time. Thankfully, I'm over the worst of it. Now, I only feel awful for about 24 hours after the injections, (I get 4 every appointment) instead of a whole week. 

​While I was trying to get myself fixed, my sweet boy got really sick. He'll be 10 in May, and as a Great Pyrenees mix, that makes him a pretty senior boy. The good news is that he's okay, but he does have to take his own medication twice a day for the rest of his life. For a while there, though, he needed a lot of my care and attention, and honestly, I didn't have the energy to worry about anything except him.

I've posted some phots and videos of him lately, and if you noticed a big knot of his shoulder, please don't worry. It's just a lipoma. It's benign, and it doesn't hurt him. We are going to have it removed, but we have to make sure he's healthy enough for surgery first. 

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With that said, I do apologize for disappearing for a while. I think we can all agree that social media can be pretty toxic sometimes, and I really needed to step back from it. What I discovered, however, is that I'm actually a lot happier without it. Going forward, I will continue to post updates to both Instagram and Facebook, but that's about it. It's really easy for me to fall down the rabbit hole, so I won't be closely monitoring comments and things like that. So, if it takes me a while to respond, please don't be offended. It's not personal. I'm not ignoring you. If you want/need an answer quickly, the best option is to email me or use the contact form here on my site.

I really struggled about writing this post. But I thought it was important to give a little insight to why I can be so flighty sometimes and am constantly missing deadlines.

So, stay safe, be kind, and I'll be back soon!