Is This Hell?

Anyone who has ever endured a health crises or supported a loved one through something scary and traumatic has probably asked themselves the same question. Is this Hell? Obviously, I have never been. I hear it's hot, and there's no room service or wi-fi. I kind of imagine this is what it feels like, though. 

In my last post, I told you about our recent health scare. To summarize, my husband passed out at the gym and had to be revived with a portable defibrillator. After a a brief hospital stay, multiple follow up visits, and lots of tests, he was eventually referred to a cardiologist in Dallas who ordered a cardiac catheterization. If you're unfamiliar with the procedure (I was), it's where they insert a tube through an artery in either your groin or wrist, then thread that to the heart where they inject dye. It's done to check for blocked arteries and for possible stent placement. 

My husband is only 41, has never smoked, and leads a pretty healthy lifestyle in terms of diet and exercise. However, he still has high cholesterol thanks to genetics. We were worried, of course, but we figured he'd have this test done, they might have to place a stent, and we'd be home by mid-afternoon.

Unfortunately, that's not even close to what happened.

We arrived at the heart clinic at 5:30 in the morning for him to have the procedure at 7:00. By noon, he had been admitted to the hospital and scheduled for cardiac bypass surgery 48 hours later. He had two blocked arteries, both too severe for a stent, and he already had some mild weakening of his heart. 

It has been a really long fucking week. The nine hours he was in surgery were probably the most stressful of my life. Seeing him hooked up to a myriad of wires and tubes afterwards, witnessing how much pain he was in, is something I will never forget. Then, of course, there are the practical things. I'm not allowed to stay overnight with him, and the hospital is 30 minutes away on the turnpike...and I HATE driving in traffic. I'm at the hospital 8 to 12 hours every day, while still fitting in errands and chores before and after. 

He's been an absolute rock star, though. The surgery went really well, and he's recovering quicker than even the doctors had expected. In fact, we're hopeful he'll be able to come home within the next 48 hours. 

It's not over, though. While he's moving much better, and the pain is manageable, it's still going to be several weeks before he's recovered. And once he's home, it's all on me. No more nurses or techs to take on some of the load. 

Of course, I love my husband, and I am more than willing to do this for him, but that does mean any writing is going to be spotty at best for the next couple of months. Moreover, if I do write, it's not going to be Beauty and Bad Blood. 

I'm so sorry. I know you have been waiting on this story for a long time, but I just have so many negative feelings around this book right now. Trying to finish it while in this headspace wouldn't be fair to the characters or to you. So, for now, Beauty and Bad Blood is temporarily on hold. I just need a little breathing room, some time to de-stress, and once things get back to some semblance of normal, I promise I'll wrap it up and get it released. 

In the meantime, I don't really know what I'll be writing, so I guess I'll be just as surprised as you, and that's kind of exciting! 

Until Next Time
XoXo ~ Arden